


A Love Misplaced

by MissAdoration



Series: Love Through the Pain [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Hurt Steve Rogers, Quarreling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAdoration/pseuds/MissAdoration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She still loved him, but did he? They both said they forgave her, but did they really? Part 3 of "Redemption"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story, which is Part 10 of "Love Through the Pain" and Part 3 of the "Redemption" subseries, picks up right where "Bahrain" left off, so make sure you read that as well as "One Plus One Equals" before reading this. 
> 
> I also want to in advance thank thegraytigress for helping me with this story, including coming up with the title, and being willing to beta-read for me so that I get this right. 
> 
> The first few chapters of this will be parts of what used to be "Simple Moments" chapters 9 (Homesick), 13 (You Are Loved), and 18 (Your Everything). 18 will be modified to fit with where I want this story to go. Warnings for angst and drama.

Natasha awoke a little unsure of where she was, but after blinking a few times and spotting Steve’s note about him being out for his morning jog on the nightstand, she remembered that they were at his apartment. She knew why they were there. Coulson had ordered her to take a leave of absence because of what happened during and after Bahrain. She wasn’t the only one ordered to do this. Clint was also away, at home with his wife and kids and probably trying to explain to Laura what was going on. For all she knew, Laura probably knew somewhat of what had happened in Bahrain.

Coulson never gave them a time frame of when they had to be back. It would definitely be awhile before she headed back. There was a lot that happened to her on that mission that she couldn’t bear to talk about. Writing it in a journal was bad enough. Within those pages of that small notebook, she talked about being locked in a closet, being sterilized, coming face to face with Yelena, killing a girl that looked similar to Anna, and being shot in the leg three times. Coulson was probably tearing up as he read them. He would definitely be in tears if he read the poem that she wrote. Even she herself was in tears when she wrote it. She had no idea what compelled her to write something that intense.

Pushing back the covers, she got out of bed, stumbling a bit from her leg being stiff, and headed toward the small bathroom to take a shower and get cleaned up. She would then make breakfast because even though it had been four years since Steve had been thawed out, he still wasn’t the greatest in the kitchen. She wasn’t any better either, but he always seemed to like her cooking.

* * *

Steve returned from his run just as Natasha was setting two plates with scrambled eggs and bacon on the small table.

“Smells good in here,” he said as she sat down to take off his shoes.

“Been working all morning on it,” she answered as she poured two cups of coffee. He then came over to the table and started eating.

Once they finished eating, he went to clean himself up while she cleaned up the mess that she had made. Like Anna, she was very picky about the dishes being clean, more specifically the pots and pans. Thankfully there was only one pot to clean. Once it was cleaned and the dishes were in the dishwasher, she made her way back to the room to make the bed.

About twenty minutes later, they were parking in the garage of SHIELD headquarters.

“Steve, what are we doing here?” she asked as parked the car. The car that they had borrowed was one of SHIELD’s cars since her actual car was still at the safe house in New York. Maybe one day they would drive to go get it. 

“You’ll see,” he answered. Opening the door on her side, he took her hand and helped her out. A few rain drops fell on them as they exited the garage and walked to their destination. Within a couple minutes, they stopped in front of a row of grey rocks. Natasha knew what these rocks were. These rocks bore the names of those that they had lost in the past year: Maria Hill, Han, Luke, and Leia.

Steve was actually the first to let loose a sob as he dropped down on his knees. Natasha knelt beside him and took his hand. She then focused her eyes on the two rocks in front of them. One said “Maria Amidala Rogers: April, 2016-July, 2016”. The one that Steve was actually in front of was the one that was to the left of it, and that’s when her tears started. The stone with the two dates on it was the one that Coulson made when she miscarried with the twins. They never confirmed any names for each of them and Coulson probably didn’t want to put “Twin A” and “Twin B”. Instead he wrote, “Rogers Twins: January, 2016-April, 2016”

“Steve,” she whispered.

“It just happened so fast,” he sobbed. “One day we’re talking about names and the next, they’re…” he couldn’t finish his sentence. Natasha let go of his hand and put her arm around his shoulders. The loss of the twins was weighing heavily on him more than her. She knew that they were in Heaven, but did he? Did Anna ever tell him about that? Probably not. Ever since their death, he never talked about it. This was probably the first time that he was grieving for them.

Steve began to talk again as it started to rain harder, but it still wasn’t a downpour. “How is it that God can give us a child and then take her away? I don’t understand, she was healthy when we brought her home.”

Natasha closed her eyes. She was trying to remember what Anna had told her about hard times and God having a plan. Then she remembered it. “Anna told me that she didn’t know why God allowed terrible things to happen to us, but she believed that something good would come out of it,” she answered.

“Tell me, Nat. What good can come out this? I lose three of my children within three months. Then I  nearly lose you.”

“Steve, I’m right here. You didn’t lose me,” Natasha responded.

“Yes I did. I lost you when you tried to kill me. I lost you when you left your wedding rings behind!”

Natasha froze at the mention of her trying to kill him. Truthfully, she wasn’t trying to kill him. She just wanted him out of the room.  “I thought you forgave me for that.”

“I forgave you for going on the mission alone when you should’ve had backup, but not for what you did to me when you came back,’ he replied. “You hurt me.”

“Steve, I-“

“Don’t,” he interrupted. “I don’t want to hear it.” He then stood up and walked back to car. Since it was starting to rain even harder, Natasha followed.

The rest of the day went on without either of them speaking to each other. The only time they talked was so he could explain what he meant by losing her.

When they made their way to bed for the night, they didn’t even face each other like they always did. Instead they faced away from each other, and let sleep claim them. Tomorrow, she was going to go back to SHIELD and ask Clint to take her to the farm for a few days to sort things out.

Her sleep only lasted a few hours as she began to toss and turn.

Steve rolled over when he began to hear her whimpering.  “Nat, you OK?” he asked, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened under his touch and he immediately removed his hand. He then got up and went around to her side of the bed. He couldn’t see if she was crying or not.

“Nat, are you OK?” he asked again as he brushed the hair out her face. That’s when she opened her eyes and looked at him, or tried to look at him. She couldn’t see him.

“Where am I?” she moaned.

“We’re in my apartment. It’s OK. We’re safe. I’m right here,” he soothed.

Her eyes darted around the dark room. The door to their room was closed. Closed? Why? He never closed it. There was no light coming in from anywhere. The sky was even darker because of the storm.

“Nat,” he whispered.

She started breathing heavily as she rolled onto her back. Something didn’t feel right. Why was she able to hear a voice but not see a face to go with it? And why did the voice sound low and deep?

“No,” she thought to herself. She was back in that small room that Igor had locked her inside of.

“Let me out of here,” she moaned louder.

“Nat, it’s OK. We’re at my apartment. You’re safe. It’s me, Steve,” the voice said again.

“No, let me out of here!” she said again.

Slightly starting to realize what was happening, he reached up and turned on the lamp that was on the nightstand. That’s when he saw Natasha somewhat relax.

“You OK?” he asked again as he grabbed a tissue to wipe away her tears.

“Can’t stay here,” she whimpered.

“Nat, what’s wrong? You’ve stayed here before with me?”

Natasha took in a shaky breath and slowly breathed out. She then began to speak. “When I was in Bahrain, Igor would lock me in small room and leave me to suffer. The worst time was after I was sterilized. Both of my hands and feet were handcuffed. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see anything in front of me. Just darkness.”

“I don’t understand. You’ve always felt safe here. Remember when you had the nightmare about Ivan? I brought you here because you needed to feel safe, and you told me that you did.”

“And I still do, just not right now.”

“What if I left the light on in the bathroom and left the door partway open. Would that help?”

Natasha shook her head “no”. What she wanted was out of this room.

“Nat, please let me help you,” Steve said. “Let me take care of you.”

“Then help me by driving me back to base. My mind is too lost to even think about getting behind the wheel.”

Steve nodded and stood up to pull on some sweats. He then followed her out of the apartment and outside to where he had parked the car.

As he drove, his mind started to think again about their relationship and the conversation they had during dinner.  

He was starting to wonder if they still loved each other like they did when they first got married, because right now it didn’t seem like it. Right now he was feeling like Natasha was just using him when she needed comforting.

And this was a perfect example of that.

 

* * *

 It was about 2:00 in the morning by the time he parked the car and quietly made his way inside and to their room. Natasha barely stirred in his arms, which was quite surprising given her state of mind when they left. She must’ve slipped into a deep sleep for she knew where she was going.

Once he finished by pulling the covers up to her chin, he kissed her head and went around the other side and crawled in next to her. She didn’t even flinch. She was definitely asleep. The following morning, he would wake up early and tell Coulson why they were back. Tonight, he would try and get some sleep and cling to a hope that somewhere deep down, Natasha did still love him.

Because he still loved her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the next chapter of this story. Don't worry, I have some new content coming soon:)

“She is using me,” Steve thought as he instantly woke up. All night since he and Natasha returned to base after her latest nightmare, he tossed and turned over this. Why would Natasha do this to him? Why would she seek comfort from Clint instead of him?

He sat up in bed as more thoughts flooded his head. Why would Natasha try and shoot at him? Was she trying to kill him? Probably the biggest question he had was why did she leave her wedding rings behind when she went AWOL? Did she no longer want to be married to him? No, she wouldn’t have come back if that were the case. Or maybe she was going to divorce him, but something must’ve made her change her mind. Regardless of what it was, he wanted to know.

Wanting to clear his head, he got up, put on his running shoes, and went out for his morning jog.

* * *

 Natasha awoke and noticed that Steve was missing. He was probably talking to Coulson or out for his morning run, which wasn’t even a run in her book. It was, well, she didn’t even know what to call it. Pushing back the covers, she got out of bed and went to look for Clint. She wanted to ask him about going to the farm to recover emotionally from Bahrain and sort out her emotions. Also, she wanted to see Laura and the kids again.

Within seconds, she found him in his room reading his morning devotional.

“Clint?” she quietly called. She could tell that he was deep in thought. “Clint?” she said a little louder. Clint turned his head to look at her.

“Oh, hey, Nat,” he said as he closed his book. “Come on in.” Natasha entered his room and sat in his desk chair. “You OK?” he asked as he moved to the edge of the bed so he could face her.

“I’ve been better,” she responded as she put her head down. She was still a little shaken from last night’s nightmare because it didn’t make sense to her. How is it that she can sleep at Steve’s apartment but yet this time she couldn’t? Did Igor scare her that bad by leaving her in a small room with no light?

“What’s going on?” Clint asked. Natasha gave him a sad look. Clint could see a small fear in her eyes.

Natasha put her head down again. She was scared to ask him. Also, she was scared that he would say yes. She knew he would, but what would Steve say to her leaving again? During dinner last night, she and Steve had another talk about their relationship. He was worried about her because she always went to Clint for comfort instead of him. It wasn’t an argument, but it was enough to make her question her relationship.

“Nat?” Clint asked snapping her out of her thoughts.

“I need to, umm, I was wondering if you could, umm, could you take me to your farm for a few days?” She asked hesitantly.

“Nat, is everything OK with you and Steve?” Clint asked worriedly.

“Yes, it’s just, umm, I still need to recover, and umm, I can’t seem to do it at Steve’s apartment,” Natasha stuttered again.

“Nat, what happened last night?” Clint asked. Natasha opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. For the first time ever, she couldn’t even tell Clint what Igor did to her and the affect it had on her. Noticing she was unable to speak, he placed a hand on her knee to soothe her. “It’s OK, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Natasha gave a small smile as she looked at Clint. “So, are you willing to take me?” she asked. Clint nodded yes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. We can leave whenever you want. Are you going to tell Steve?” he asked as they both stood up.

“I’ll tell him, but he wasn’t in bed when I woke up,” Natasha answered.

“Well, make sure you tell him when he gets back. I don’t think he’ll be too happy if he finds out you’re gone again.”

“I will.”

Once things were in order for their departure, she left his room and went back to hers to gather whatever belongings she had since most of her things were at Steve’s apartment for their stay there.

* * *

 Within a half hour, Clint was piloting a quinjet out of the terminal and headed for Iowa. Next to him, Natasha sat and stared out the window. The conversation she had with Steve just ten minutes ago was still fresh in her mind. He wasn’t too happy that she was leaving, especially without him.

“See, Nat, this is exactly what I’m talking about. How is it you don’t find comfort when you’re with me? Don’t you love me anymore?” Steve asked as she was packing her bag.

“Steve, I do love you,” she answered as she turned to face him.

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you leaving me?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her. “

“I have a lot of emotions to sort through,” she mumbled.

“And you think going to Barton’s farm is going to help with that?” he asked pulling away. Natasha nodded. “Here we go again,” he thought to himself.

“Steve, please understand. I need to feel safe again,” Natasha sobbed.

Before she could even come up with an answer, her cell phone vibrated.

“It’s Barton. He’s waiting for me. I gotta go,” Natasha answered, reading the text. Steve sighed as she zipped up her bag and walked out.

* * *

 Laura was happy to see her husband home again. She was even more excited to see Natasha, especially with everything that happened to her.

“It’s so good to see you again. I’ve missed you,” Laura said as she wrapped her arms around Natasha.

“I’ve missed you too. How’s little Nathaniel?”

“He’s getting so big. He’s going to be just like his daddy,” Laura answered. Natasha smiled as the threesome made their way into the house. Lila and Cooper greeted them at the door.

“Auntie Nat!” Lila squealed as she reached up her arms to be picked up.

Natasha bent down and gathered the little girl into her arms. “Hey, malyutka.”

Lila couldn’t stop smiling as she held onto Natasha’s neck. She missed her terribly. Natasha simply closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel relaxed. This was one of the reasons she wanted to come out here, to see Lila.

“Alright, let Natasha breathe, Sweetheart,” Clint said. Lila laughed a little as she was now squirming to get down. Once she was, she ran back into the house to play with her dolls.

“It’s so good to see her again,” Natasha said as they went inside.

“She missed you so much,” Clint answered. Just then, he remembered that he never gave her the card that Lila made for her when he last came out here. It was still hidden in his nightstand back home. It would be the first thing he did when they went back to base.

* * *

 All throughout the day, Natasha was very relaxed. Hearing Cooper and Lila running around outside and laughing made her feel at home. As she watched the children play, Laura came out and gave her a glass of tea.

“Is everything OK?” she asked. “You seem lost.”

“Yeah, just a lot to sort through,” Natasha answered as she took a sip of the tea. Laura’s homemade iced tea was one of her favorite summer drinks. It was half sweetened and half unsweetened. She also added more flavor by mixing in a few lemons.

“Does Steve know you’re here?”

“He does. He wasn’t exactly happy about it though.”

“Why is that? Do you guys not love each other anymore?” Laura asked worriedly.

“We do, it’s just that...” Natasha trailed off as a sob was beginning to build up in her throat. Taking another sip of her tea, she took a deep breath and explained to Laura that Steve was worried about her because she was always going to Clint for comfort instead of him.

“You don’t find comfort with your own husband?” Laura asked.

“I do, it’s just…well, I don’t know anymore.”

“So it’s not him?”

“No, it’s me. I’m the reason he’s saying these things to me,” Natasha answered.

“Nat, do you know why I said ‘yes’ to marrying Clint?” Laura asked. Natasha shook her head no. Clint had never told her this story before. “I married Clint because I knew he would take care of me. I came from a broken home. Being with Clint made me whole again. Every holiday I stayed with his family since neither of my parents wanted anything to do with holidays. They only time they called me was on my birthday. Finally, when Clint asked me to marry him, I couldn’t say ‘no’ at all. I couldn’t say ‘no’ because I couldn’t imagine living with someone else or living by myself. Clint is my family. He and the children are all I have.”

Natasha did her best to hold back tears. She too grew up without a family. The only people she knew where her handlers in the Red Room, and they were nowhere near what a real family should be. When Clint found her and spared her life, he and SHIELD became family to her. Now that she was married to Steve, he became part of her family and loved her and cared for her, just like Clint did.

“Laura, I still don’t understand how Steve can still love me, let alone be married to me? I can’t have children. Also, I did some harsh things to him. I,” she trailed off as the tears started to come.

“Nat, I know everything. You don’t have to tell me. And no one said marriage is easy. Try raising two kids while your husband is off fighting and trying his hardest not to get killed. There were a few times Clint and I struggled, but we made it through. And look where we are now, we have three kids and we’re still growing strong.”

“So are you saying that there’s hope for me?” Natasha asked.

“Absolutely. Now, not that I mind seeing you, but you need to make things right with your husband. If he thinks you don’t love him, then you need to show him that you do. Does he forgive you for what you did to him?”

“I don’t know,” Natasha answered.

“What about you? Have you forgiven yourself for what you did?”

Natasha put her head down. She didn’t have an answer for her.

“Honey,” Laura said sweetly. “You are the only one who can make this right, and you need to do it soon, or things will just get worse for you.”

Natasha nodded her head as she finished off her tea. Laura was right.

She needed to make amends with Steve.           

* * *

 Later that night after dinner, Clint carried a half-sleeping Natasha to the guest bedroom. Almost every time they came here, he always put her to bed. Another part of what made her feel safe.

Laura was waiting for him in the hallway. Before he could get too far away, she grabbed his hand and wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you,” she said into his shoulder.

“I love you too,” he answered. The two of them retreated to their bedroom for a well-deserved night’s sleep.

“Thank you. Thank you for never leaving me,” she said.

“Thank you for marrying me. Not sure where I’d be without you,” he answered. After sharing a kiss, Clint turned out the lamp on his side and closed his eyes to sleep. Laura snuggled next to him and leaned her head on his chest. Within seconds, she was asleep.

* * *

 Natasha sat up in bed and stared out the window. There were a million thoughts going through her head right now. She was pondering on how she could make amends with Steve.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she continued to breathe in and out as voices started to scream in her mind.

“You are Black Widow. You are a murderer, and no one loves a murderer. You don’t deserve to be married to Captain America.”

The voices stopped, but another voice was in her head. It was Laura.

“You have to do it soon, or it will be too late.”

A third voice screamed at her, and she shuddered at his words. “You are unfaithful to your husband. You don’t love him anymore. You are unfaithful to your husband. You don’t love him anymore.

“No!” she moaned, covering her ears. “I do love him. I’ll love for a thousand years!”

With shaky hands, she uncovered her ears and removed her ring to run her finger along the inside of it. She wanted to feel the engraving she knew was there. She couldn’t read it right now, but she knew what it said.

Placing the ring back on her finger, she laid back down to fall asleep. Tomorrow, she would do exactly what Laura had told her to do. She would go home and tell Steve that she loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> malyutka: little one


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally when I write a scene where two characters are fighting, it is usually very short because I'm not good at it. Well, it turns out that I can write longer fight scenes. It just takes time and patience, and a little help from my beta reader:-)

The following morning, and upon returning to her room after a long shower, Natasha found a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin that looked like it had just come out of the oven. Sitting down on the bed, she took a bite.

“Morning, Nat,” Clint said. Natasha looked up to see him standing in the doorway. He was already dressed in a red plaid shirt and black jeans.

“Laura make this?” she asked holding up the muffin.

“Nope, I did. Laura made the coffee.”

“Well, it’s delicious. Thank you,”

“You’re welcome. So, anything you want to do today?” he asked. Natasha nodded her head.

“I’m ready to go home.”

“You mean, back to SHIELD?” he asked.

“Yes. I need to make things right with Steve.”

“What happened between you guys?’

“He uh, he thinks I don’t love him anymore because I always come to you for comfort,” Natasha answered softly.

“But you do love him. Right?”

“Yes.”

“And don’t you find comfort with him?” Clint asked as he came in and sat down by her.

“I…I don’t know. I’m not sure if he’s forgiven me yet for what I did to him.” 

“In all honesty, Nat. I kinda haven’t forgiven you myself for what happened.”

“Wha-what? I thought you said you did?”

“Saying is one thing. Doing is another,” he stated. “Nat, you shot at your husband, which put Anna in a state of panic. Then you left your rings behind and made him and all of us think you didn’t want to be married anymore. How am I supposed to trust you and be a friend if you’re not faithful to your own husband?"

“Wait, what happened with Anna?” Natasha asked. “She really never talked about it when she came to meet me in New York.”

“That’s beside the point. The point is that you need to make things right with Steve before anyone else. I know you restored your relationship with God, but what about those that love you?”

Natasha was silent as Clint walked away to tell Laura and the kids that they were leaving. This was a lot to take in in one morning. However, Clint and Laura were right. She needed to make amends with her husband before she made amends with anyone else. She was not about to lose any of her friends because of her choices.

* * *

Steve was at his apartment reading an upcoming mission file on a StarkPad when there was a knock at his door. He wasn’t expecting any visitors, so this was slightly out the ordinary. Not bothering to pick up his shield, he went to the door and opened it.

“Nat?” he asked somewhat confusingly. “I thought you were with Clint at his farm.”

"I was, but I came home,” she answered.

“Did something happen?”

“Yes, I realized I missed my husband.”

“Husband, huh,” Steve said shaking his head in disgust. “You mean your husband as in only-when-you-need-him husband?”

“What is that supposed to mean? And aren’t you going to let me in?” Steve stepped aside to let her come in. By now, a look of anger was already starting to cross his features. Even Natasha was looking a little confused. Maybe this wasn’t the time to do this. No, it needed to be addressed now.

“Nat, when you married me, it was because you said you loved me. Now I don’t think you do anymore!” Steve stated.

 “Steve, I do love you!”

“When? When you need me to comfort you when Barton’s not around? This isn’t how love works, Nat. You can’t just decide you want to be married when you feel like you need it,” he answered angrily.

“What does Barton have to do with us?” she finally asked.

“It has everything to do with us. You always run to him for comfort instead of me. And when you do come to me, I feel like I’m being used, which doesn’t sit well with me.”

“Used?”

“Like last night. You didn’t say ‘yes’ to my suggestion to try and help you. Instead you demanded that I get you out of my apartment, which by the way, is your apartment too.”

“Steve, I was in shock last night!” Natasha shouted.

“You’re always in shock! You can’t ever let go of your past!”

“That’s not true! I let go of Ivan!”

“But can you forgive him for what he did to you? Can you forgive Igor?” Steve asked.

Natasha choked on her breath. Ivan didn’t just ruin her life once; he ruined it twice. How could she ever forgive someone like that? “I…I don’t know,” she finally said, starting to cry.

“See, you don’t know because you can’t. So how do you expect me to forgive you for what you did to me?”

“Please!” Natasha pleaded. Just the thought of what she did made her want to cry harder.  “Please don’t remind me of it!”

“Why not? So you can just blow it off?”

“No!”

“Exactly. This isn’t something we just blow off.”

“Steve, I was hurting. Igor damaged me!”

“I was hurting from what you did to me, but if you love me like I still love you, then we face it together. We help each other through it. We don’t run to another person.”

“So, what are you suggesting I do?” Natasha asked.

“I think you need to see a therapist to learn how to cope with your past. You can’t love someone and constantly drown in your past all the time. People won’t want to be around you,” Steve responded.

“I don’t do therapists,” Natasha replied flatly.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Steve, please!”

“Don’t ‘Steve’ me. You don’t love me anymore. Those words on your ring mean nothing to you!” he shouted angrily.

“Yes they do!”

“Then if they did, then why did you try and kill me? Do you realize how serious that is and how I feel about that? Why didn’t you let me help you?”

“I don’t know! I’m sorry, OK?”

“No, it’s not OK.  How am I supposed to love someone who doesn’t love me back, or who doesn’t seek comfort from me, or someone who threatens to kill me because I want to help them?”

Natasha stared at him with wide and shocked eyes. She didn’t even consider how Steve, or anyone, would feel when she placed her finger on the trigger that night or when she took her rings off and placed them in the envelope. She was only thinking about getting him and everyone else out of the room.

In the midst of all the shouting, Steve’s cell rang from inside his bedroom, and that snapped both of them back to reality. By the second ring, the anger that was in Steve’s face was gone and his tone became a little more serious.

“Those words weren’t on your ring until you came back, but they definitely weren’t in your head when you left them behind,” Steve said as he went to retrieve his phone.

As she heard Steve talking in the other room, she sat down to try and process everything that Steve had told her.

He made a point.

She hurt him by trying to kill him and by leaving her wedding rings behind, and she hadn’t realized how serious that was until now, and now she was wishing she could go back to that night and change what happened.

But what’s done was done, and there’s no going back.

So how could she fix it and make things right?

What could she do to earn his forgiveness?

How could she learn to love him again?

A vibration in her pocket indicated that she had an incoming text, and it was from Clint wanting to know how things were going. She froze at his words. How was she supposed to tell him that things were going horrible?

Upon hearing Steve coming back into the room, she quickly sent Clint a “thumbs down” emoji and put her phone away.

“Already confiding in Barton?” he asked.

“What was that about?” she asked, ignoring his question.

“I’m leaving on a mission,” he answered.

“You’re what?” she asked. Steve wasn’t talking angrily to her. Instead he was talking like he was in charge. 

“Coulson’s sending Tony, Kennedy, and me to Africa to infiltrate a weapons base. It's the same one we were infiltrating before Scarlet Witch got into our heads. Apparently HYDRA has taken control of it." 

“When did this come about?” she asked.

“Yesterday after you left.”

 “And what am I supposed to do?” she asked.

“Other than see a therapist, which you said you won’t do, I don’t know.”

Natasha sighed a deep sigh as they locked up his apartment and walked to their separate vehicles. If Steve was leaving, then she was leaving too. She was still “relieved of duty”, so she decided to stay at one of her apartments in Boston.

Upon arrival at the base, Tony was already there and babbling away with Kennedy about alien tech. He stopped when he saw Natasha.

“Hey, Red. What’s up?”

“None of your business, Stark,” she said as she went inside to retrieve some of her belongings.

“Hey, just because you’re relieved of duty doesn’t mean you can just ignore me!” he called after her, but she didn’t turn around to answer him.

“Whatever.” He then resumed his conversation with Kennedy.

Steve, who had gone inside ahead of her to retrieve the things he needed, came back out and walked toward the quinjet, not bothering to say “good-bye.”

“What’s up with you and Red?” Tony asked.

“Nothing worth speaking of,” Steve answered.

“Aww come on, Spangles, you can tell me everything. I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”

“Gentlemen,” Kennedy said sternly. Steve and Tony glared at each other before settling into their seats. “Much better. Now, let’s get going and get this done.”

Natasha waited inside until the quinjet was gone. She then made her way outside and back towards her car.

“Wanna talk?” Clint asked as he approached her car.

She shook her head “no” and drove off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the nearly month-long delay in updating this story. Hope no one's mad at me. Anyway. here we go.

Steve couldn’t focus.

Coulson was sending Kennedy, Tony, and him to Africa to infiltrate a HYDRA base and recover vibranium that Baron Zemo had somehow acquired from Wakanda. Coulson had been “mum” on what his plans were for the metal, and that was making him even more annoyed.

However, there were bigger problems on his mind. For example, his wife.

Ever since he and Natasha got married, they ALWAYS said “good-bye” to each other before leaving on missions. Now they weren’t even speaking to each other. The entire ride from his apartment to the base had been absolutely silent.

He pulled out his phone and contemplated texting her. Then again, what would he say to her?  He thought about a phone call, but the same thing, what would he say?

Sighing in frustration, he put his phone away and listened to Tony and Kennedy babbling back and forth.

It was driving him nuts.

“Seriously, Stark? I’m not an alien. I’m just a normal person,” Kennedy returned angrily.   
“Yeah, yeah whatever. You’re from a different planet, which makes you an alien,” Tony stated.

“Stark, aliens do not exist.”

“Umm, you ever read about the battle of New York?” Tony asked. Kennedy nodded. “Yeah, you know what attacked us. Aliens. They were called the Chitauri.”

“I know the story, Stark. But that’s beside the point. Alderaan is just like Earth,” Kennedy replied.

“Will you two shut up already?” Steve called out angrily.

“Aww come Cap, don’t you agree that Mr. Kennedy is an alien?” Tony whined.

“No, because he’s not an alien. He’s just a normal guy like you and me,” Steve snapped, coming up to front of the jet.

“Whoa there, Cap what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, OK? Just nothing,” Steve replied.

“So how are we supposed to defeat this guy? You guys always say that HYDRA can’t be defeated.” Kennedy said, redirecting the conversation back to the mission.

“Somehow they always find a new head, yes. But if you think about it, this will be one less base on the map,” Tony answered.

“Did Coulson happen to tell you what he’s planning on doing with the vibranium?” Kennedy asked Tony.

“No, that man never tells me anything. If you want my opinion, Alien Man, think I should take it back to Stark Tower so, I could make a new suit. Hey, I could be ‘vibranium man!’ That sounds way cooler than ‘Iron Man.’”

“Uh, no. The vibranium will be going back to SHIELD. End of discussion” Steve stated.

“Whatever,” Tony shrugged.

* * *

 

“Wow, a lot can happen in a year!” Tony exclaimed as they stepped off the jet. Apparently Zemo had gone to great lengths to expand the base and make it more high tech than before, including a new security system. “JARVIS, see if you can dismantle this thing.”

“I am sorry, Sir, but it appears this system is running by some kind of AI that keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands,” JARVIS replied.

“Can you override it?” Steve asked.

“I’m afraid not, Sir. It appears that whoever developed this is slightly smarter than me.”

“No one’s smarter than you, J. Keep at it.”

“Yes, Sir.”

While Tony continued to work with JARVIS, Steve and Kennedy walked around the perimeter, searching for another way inside.,  

“So, you and Sharon talk wedding plans yet?” Steve asked. Kennedy was a little caught off guard by Steve’s question. Did he forget that they were at a HYDRA bae with a high-tech security system? Zemo would find them for sure. Then again, they had to wait while Tony tried to override the system anyway.  

“Well, Coulson, Gale, and I all agreed to have a triple wedding ceremony. Nothing fancy. Just all of us exchanging our vows and then a small party afterward,” Kennedy responded. He kept his answer short so that Zemo would hopefully not detect them.

“That’s nice,” Steve replied.

“Cap, you OK? You don’t sound too amused about it, and besides, why would you be asking me this now?”’ Kennedy said. In all honesty, Steve was happy about the idea. But the thought of weddings reminded him of his wedding and then his renewal of vows with Natasha, which then led to him thinking about the rough patch that they were going through right now.

“Just going through a rough patch with Nat right now,” he answered.

“Well, if you want, we can talk about it on the way home from this mission.”

“Guys, will you two stop babbling about how awesome I am and help me here. I would like to get in and get out before Zemo shows up. Kinda not in the mood to fight a madman right now,” Tony called over the comms.

“Yeah, me neither,” Steve replied as he and Kennedy made their way back to the main entrance.

“Whoa Cap, you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

“just shut up and focus on disabling the security system, OK?” Steve replied angrily.

“I’m working on it! Ugh, you’re making me really cranky right now!” Tony shouted. “JARVIS, how’s it coming?”

“I am sorry, Sir, but I cannot dismantle this system. It is too high tech for me.”

“Alright,” Tony said throwing his hands in the air. “I’ve run out of patience. Guys, new plan. We’re gonna break the window and get inside that way.”

“Are you nuts, Stark?” Steve asked. “Besides, I don’t think these windows are even breakable.”

“Well, we will find out, won’t we,” Tony said, powering up his repulsors.

While Steve watched Tony try to break the glass, which ended up being unbreakable, Kennedy went back to the door to try and dismantle the security system himself. Back on Alderaan, when police couldn’t get into certain places, they used a special device to send a virus into the computer. The virus would spread and force the security system to shut down. Since joining SHIELD, he had only used it a few times and was always successful. So why should this system be any different?

“Any luck Tony?” Steve teased.

“It will break eventually,” Tony responded.

“You’ve been at it for two whole minutes!”

“Wow has it been that long already?” Tony asked sarcastically.

“Yeah it has. I’m gonna grow a beard by the time you even make a dent,” Steve joked.

“You won’t have to,” Kennedy said through the comms. Tony stopped and he and Steve walked to where Kennedy was standing.

“How did you-“ Steve trailed off as Kennedy held up a small hand-held device.

“So, Tony. Still think JARVIS is the smartest in the world?”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever Mr. Alien. JARVIS could probably override that thing in a heartbeat.”

“I’m afraid I cannot, Sir. That device is powerful enough to override me,” JARVIS interrupted. That immediately shut Tony up for a short spell.

“Alright, fine. But you’re still an alien,” Tony said to Kennedy.

* * *

 

The three of them walked into the base, noting that Zemo had definitely done some upgrading. There were dozens of crates marked “very hazardous” on them.

“Where’s the vibranium?” Kennedy asked.

“Zemo probably has it locked up somewhere. It’s too valuable to be left in the open,” Steve replied.

“You are absolutely right, Captain,” a voice spoke. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. “Why do you stop? Come closer and see what I’ve become.”

Cautiously, everyone took a step forward. Standing a few feet in front of them was Ulysses Klaue. He was dressed in a black uniform with red lines outlining the sides. The HYDRA logo was painted on both shoulders. Behind him, a few henchmen stood with guns at their sides, ready to point and shoot when commanded.

“After the Avengers left here, Zemo found me and recruited me. You see, word got around to him that this place had been infiltrated. So for the next year or so, he trained me in martial arts. In fact, I trained so well that he even made me his right-hand man,” Klaue explained.

“Where’s Zemo?” Steve demanded.

“He doesn’t like to be disturbed,” Klaue replied.

“What does he want the vibranium for?”

“Why do you care?”

“Yes, Captain, why do you care?” Another voice asked. It sounded more sinister that Klaue’s

Steve felt his heart skip a beat as Klaue and the henchmen stepped aside to allow Zemo to pass through.

“Zemo. HYDRA’S new head,” Steve declared.

“Technically, I’m one of two heads. You know ‘cut off one head, two more shall take its place,’” Zemo answered.

“What’s the vibranium for?”

“That’s none of your business, Captain.”

“Where did you get it?”

“I have my ways of getting things when I want them,” Zemo replied. “Besides, why do you care so much? Are you wanting to make another shield for yourself? Or how about one for your wife?”

“It’s not me, and it’s not her. It’s SHIELD. They want to know.”

“SHIELD,” Zemo scoffed in disbelief. “I thought SHIELD was gone.”

“We rebuilt ourselves,” Tony chimed in.

“Iron Man,” Zemo declared upon seeing Tony.  “How nice to see you.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not nice to see you.”

“You think you guys can kill me? Ha! Look around, Captain. You’re outnumbered,” Zemo said as more henchmen started to fill the hallway.

“I’m not going to ask you again,” Steve said angrily, taking his shield off his back.

“Fine, you want an explanation?” Zemo asked. He then nodded to Klaue, who held up his arm to reveal a silver hand. He had a gun in his hand and was about to shoot at Steve. However, Kennedy was faster and he pulled out his gun, which happened to be a laster gun from Alderaan, and fired. Klaue instantly fell from his feet.

“What’s this? SHIELD get some new tech since being rebuilt?” Zemo asked staring at Kennedy’s weapon.

“That and a new recruit,” Kennedy answered, stepping forward.

“Ha!” Zemo shouted. “You listen here, SHIELD can recruit whoever they want, but that still won’t matter!”

“We’ll see about that,” Kennedy replied, taking aim. The laser blast from his gun hit Zemo in the stomach, but it didn’t penetrate.

“See. I told you.”

Kennedy narrowed his eyes and was about to charge at Zemo, but Iron Man pulled him back.

“Leave this to the professionals,” he said. Kennedy watched as Iron Man pointed one of his repulsors at Zemo and fired. Meanwhile, Steve began taking out the henchmen. “You help Cap. I’ll deal with this idiot.” Kennedy nodded and started towards one of the thugs.

* * *

 

It took a while, but Iron Man finally fired enough repulsors to knock Zemo off his feet. He then looked to where Kennedy and Steve were fighting off the last few henchmen.

“Yo, Alien Man, help me start recovering the vibranium!” he shouted.

“What about Klaue and Zemo?” Kennedy shouted as he knocked one of thugs out cold.

“Cap can handle then, and besides, if we work together, it won’t take long at all.”

Before Kennedy could answer, another thug was on top of him.

“Surrender your weapons, or I’ll-“

“What? You didn’t finish!” Kennedy shouted as he flipped him over the rail. He then went to help Tony retrieve whatever they could of whatever vibranium Zemo had acquired.

“Holy crap!” Tony gasped, opening one of the crates. Inside were dozens of unlabeled metal canisters.

“Whatever’s inside here is warm to the touch,” Kennedy remarked, picking up one of the canisters.

“Yeah, and whatever it is, it’s not meant for aliens,” Tony responded taking it from him. “Allow me to be the guinea pig.”

“Once again, Stark, I am not an alien,” Kennedy declared while Tony opened the container.

“Ahhhhh!” he screamed as he pulled his hand out. Thankfully he still had part of his armor on or the pain would’ve been worse.

“What is this stuff?” Kennedy asked.

“That is what Zemo calls Adhesive X,” Klaue answered, coming up behind them. “Zemo was planning to-“

“Guys! A little help here!” Steve shouted through the comms. His voice sounded strained.

“Cap, what’s your 20?” Kennedy called.

“On your left!”

Kennedy looked to his left to see Steve fighting Zemo. They were extremely close to a vat of Adhesive X.

“Steve, you’ve got to get away from that vat! What’s in there is dangerous!” Tony shouted, joining in.

Steve tried to lead Zemo away from the vat, but Zemo kept leading him back to it.

“At long last. I can finally get my vengeance on the great Captain!” Zemo declared. He shoved Steve up against vat, causing the liquid to slosh and run over the side. With all of his strength, Steve pushed Zemo away from him and away from the vat before the liquid hit the ground.

“Why are you standing here? Get down there and stop them!” Kennedy yelled at Tony. They were both watching intently as Steve continued to get slammed into the vat. Somehow he managed to get away before getting touched by the super glue.

“Who made you in charge?” Tony demanded. He still couldn’t get his armor off of him.

“It doesn’t matter who’s in charge or not. Steve needs help down there and you’re just standing here!”

“You have the alien tech! You get down there yourself!” 

“Fine!” Kennedy declared. He then took off running down the stairs. Tony eventually decided to follow him.

“Sir, it appears the building’s structural integrity is compromised. I’d suggest you evacuate before you become glued inside of it,” JARVIS declared.

“What! How!” Tony shouted.

“It appears that Zemo rigged an explosive to blow the second you guys walked inside, hoping that you would stay long enough for it to detonate.”

“How did you not find it?”

“I think I may be malfunctioning, Sir. That device that Officer Kennedy used must’ve somehow interfered with my interface,” JARVIS replied.

“Guys! We’ve gotta get out of here!” Tony shouted through the comms.

“What about the remaining crates!” Kennedy shouted.

“Doesn’t matter! Steve,  do you copy?”

There was no answer.

“Steve, can you hear us!” Tony shouted.

“Sir, the explosive will detonate in fifteen seconds. I’d suggest you evacu-“

“Shut it, J!” Tony yelled. “Steve, do you copy? The building’s gonna explode!”

There was still no answer.

“Shoot!” he mumbled as he felt the building shake. Steve was nowhere in sight.

“Steve! Answer me!” he shouted.

“I copy,” Steve finally answered. “I can’t move right now!”

“What?”

“Tony, I’m stuck to the floor!”

“Pull your boot off and run!” Kennedy shouted.

It was too late.

The building exploded, raining down debris and large amounts of Adhesive X. Tony made it inside the jet before he could be hit with anymore.

“Steve, do you copy? Are you OK?” Kennedy called.

There was no answer.

“Steve! Answer us!” Tony shouted.

“Oh, God,” Tony breathed. The debris settled to the ground. Adhesive X drooling on top of it, gluing the pieces together.

Gluing Steve inside of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, my patient readers. Thanks again for being so patient with me as I work to get new chapters written and posted. Just wanted to let you know that this will be my last update for a few weeks. Going on a mini-hiatus at least until Cap3 comes out.

His words screamed at her as if he was standing right across from her.

_“You don’t love me. Those words on your ring mean nothing to you!”_

That wasn’t true.

The words DID have meaning to her.

They meant everything to her.

The fact that Steve traveled all the way to Alderaan to have them engraved for her when he’d thought he’d lost her was amazing.

Now she felt like she needed to do something for him.

But what?

She continued to drive through the neighborhoods while trying to find solace in whatever was playing on the radio. It wasn’t helping, so she turned it off as she came to a four-way stop.

“God, what do I do?” she cried to herself as she waited for the light to change. “What can I do to make this-”

A car blared its horn behind her, starting her. She immediately floored it.

“Alright, I’m going already,” she said in annoyance to herself.

After five more minutes of driving, she finally pulled into the driveway of the apartment building. Right after the battle over the Potomac, she purchased this apartment and somehow managed to keep it off SHIELD’s files.

Another car pulled up behind her.

“How did you find me?” she asked when she saw that it was Anna.

“I left shortly after you did so that you wouldn’t notice me,” Anna answered.

“Coulson send you?”

“Yeah. He said that just because you’re relieved of duty doesn’t mean he can’t be concerned about you.”

“Oh,” Natasha responded.

“I’m also here because I want to know what’s going on between you and Steve. You guys acted really strange around each other when he left for Africa,” Anna said as they walked inside.

Natasha’s hand froze on the door handle. Was it that obvious? “We…uh...He’s still mad at me for what happened after Bahrain,” she finally answered.

“You mean by leaving your rings behind and nearly shooting him?”

“Yes.”

“Nat, you really hurt him with that,” Anna said as they climbed up the stairs to the second floor.

“Steve suggested I see a therapist, but I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable having someone in my head right now.”

“But didn’t you talk to someone while you were AWOL?” Anna asked. Natasha nodded.

“I guess I could give it a try,” she responded. “But I feel like I need to talk to someone else first.”

“Yeah? Who’s that?”

“Pastor Evans. I haven’t seen him since before this mess even started.”

“I think he’ll be relieved to know you’re OK. He’s been worried about you ever since I started telling him what was going on,” Anna responded.

“Would you um. Would you go with me?” Natasha asked.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Within a few minutes, the two women were both driving back to SHIELD to borrow a quinjet.

Along the way, Natasha explained more about where she went while she was AWOL.

“He ran a psyche eval on me as well.”

“And?” Anna asked.

“Bahrain damaged me,” Natasha responded.

“I think he would be the best person to help you. If you say he worked for SHIELD and you already opened up a little bit to him, then you wouldn’t have to start over from the beginning to someone new,” Anna remarked.

“OK, I’ll do it.”

* * *

 Anna was right.

Pastor Evans was very relieved to see Natasha again.

“I’ve been praying for you from the beginning,” he said, shaking her hand and holding onto it.

“Thank you. It’s been a long journey.”

“So what’s on your heart today?” he asked as the three of them sat down. Natasha took a breath before speaking.

“How much do you know?” she whispered. She really didn’t feel like telling him every single detail, especially if Anna had already told him about it already. Pastor Evans responded saying that he knew about the mission she had gone on and the emotional triggers that went with it. He knew what happened to her when she came home: shutting everyone out and then going AWOL.

“I also found out that you left your wedding rings behind as well,” he said.

“Yes, that is true,” she whispered, putting her head down. She was ashamed of that, as well as for trying to kill him.  

“Why did you do it?” he asked. There was no accusation in his voice at all. He was a just a person trying to help her through her problems.

Natasha wouldn’t look up at him. She really didn’t know why she left them behind or why she tried to kill her own husband. She tried to think back to that night, but just the thought of it made her upset. “I don’t know,” she finally said, lifting her head a little. A few tears were starting to fall.

“Did he do something to you that you didn’t want to be married anymore?” Pastor Evans asked. Natasha shook her head no.

“What were the events leading up to that?” he asked.

“I…uh…I woke up from a horrible nightmare. They were trying to come in and help me, but I didn’t want their help,” she answered.

“Why would you not want someone to help you?” he asked, Natasha didn’t answer him. Anna just remained sitting quietly but reached over and squeezed her hand. “Natasha, I appreciate you coming to talk with me. You’re seeking help from someone you know and who shares the same beliefs as you. But I am not qualified to help you with the trauma of all of it. I would be happy to recommend some Christian counselors for you.”

“No, that’s OK. There’s someone I know who I can talk to. I stayed with him and his wife when I went AWOL. Well, they found me first,” Natasha answered.

“OK. I will continue to pray for you. I’ll also pray that you and Steve will restore your relationship with each other.”

“Can you at least help me with that?”

“That I can, but from what I’m hearing from you, I think you need to heal yourself before you can heal your relationships,” Pastor Evans responded. Again, Natasha did not feel like she was being judged. Instead he kept his tone kind and compassionate. “Can I pray with you now?” He asked. Natasha nodded.

After the prayer, they left the church and headed out for dinner. The plan was for both of them to fly back to DC tonight. Tomorrow, Natasha would call Dr. Garner and see if she could talk with him again. He was the only one who knew bits and pieces of what happened in Bahrain.

* * *

 They were just about to step off the jet, when Natasha let a sob escape her lips. Something had been troubling her the whole flight home, but she kept it to herself.

“Nat, what is it?” Anna asked as she led her to one of the seats.

“I hate this!” she sobbed.

“Hate what?”

“I hate what I’ve become, and what I’ve done.”

“Nat, we’ve all made mistakes,” Anna soothed.

“This is more than a mistake! Steve thinks I don’t want to be married to him just because I left my rings behind!”

“Nat, he has every right to be. You didn’t even leave a note as to why you left them.”

“I know!” she cried. “And I wish I had. He might’ve understood.”

“Nat, why did you leave them behind? Why did you say ‘Steve, this envelope is for you?’”

“I didn’t think he would think I didn’t want to be married to him.”

“We all thought that,” Anna responded. Natasha put her head down, ashamed of what she had done and what the team thought of her.

“I need to convince him I still love him!” she sobbed. “I have to!”

“I know you do, but it’s like what Pastor Evans said, you need to heal from your own scars, and that means coming to terms with what you did in Bahrain.”

‘I don’t know how to! The Red Room taught …they taught me not to accept help when I’m hurting.”

Anna was silent as she let the words sink in. Of all the things she had read about Natasha’s time in the Red Room, she never read about this.

“They taught us not to feel guilty about our actions, especially if they hurt other people,” Natasha continued on. “I never had anyone to confide in until I came to SHIELD.”

“But then you married Steve. Why don’t you confide in him?”

Anna’s question actually made Natasha stop crying for a few seconds. It was one that everyone else had asked her too. Why can’t she confide in her own husband? What was the difference between confiding in Clint and confiding in Steve?

“Nat, you have a lot of questions to answer here. I think Dr. Garner is the only one who can help you try and answer those,” Anna whispered.

“All I want is for things to go back to normal,” Natasha answered.

“They will. It’s just gonna take time.”

They eventually walked off the jet and went to their separate quarters to get some sleep.

* * *

 Before falling asleep that night, Natasha turned to a blank page in her notebook and wrote down three questions:

  1. _Why did I try and kill Steve?_
  2. _Why did I leave my wedding rings behind?_
  3. _What is the difference between confiding in Clint and confiding in Steve?_



She then wrote a list of things she wanted to accomplish.

  1. _I want to show Steve that I love him again._
  2. _I want to learn how to deal with trauma._



She then pulled out her phone and sent a text to Steve. “Calling Dr. Andrew Garner, a psychiatrist, tomorrow to get some help. Stay safe on your mission. Love you always.”  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TODAY IS AN AWESOME DAY!!!!!!! This is the first chapter that I have posted since going on hiatus, Unfortunately, I am not back to normal updates:( That might be awhile. But anyway, enjoy this chapter and I'll update the next chance I get. I also want to say a huge THANK YOU for sticking with me and being so patient with me.

Tony and Kennedy watched in horror as Adhesive X continued to drool on what was now a pile of rubble.

“This is all my fault,” Tony said.

“You’re darn right, it’s your fault!” Kennedy answered. “If you hadn’t been so caught up with getting the crates, Steve wouldn’t be in this mess!”

Tony put his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t in the mood to get into an argument. “Alright, alright. I’m the idiot. I screwed up. I’m sorry.” 

“If Steve makes it out of this, I will make sure he makes your life a living nightmare.”

“He’ll be alright. He’s Captain America for crying out loud, and he won’t torture me. I’m the co-leader of the Avengers.”

“JARVIS, any ideas on how to get Steve out of there?” Kennedy asked. Thanks to Tony, everyone was able to communicate with JARVIS using his own comms.

“Unfortunately, nothing here on earth works. This is a very powerful super glue,” JARVIS responded. “Do you have anything on Alderaan?”

“I think so, but not enough to free a human being,” Kennedy answered.

“If you do, get as much of it as you can,” JARVIS spoke. “I would also recommend that you contact Agent Coulson and inform him on what’s happening. In the meantime, I’ll see if I can detect any weak spots in the debris and determine if Captain Rogers is alive or not.”

* * *

 “Sir, I’ve located him,” JARVIS declared, two hours later. Had Kennedy’s computer virus not affected him, locating Steve would’ve taken less time. It would take Tony a good day’s work to completely reboot JARVIS and clear the virus from him.

“Bout time,” Tony answered as he looked at the display. Steve was located in the center of the building, lying facedown. It looked like one or both of his hands were glued to the ground. His feet were trapped under a large piece of rock that was drenched in glue. A few feet in front of him, his shield lay with the star facing up.

“Is he alive?” Kennedy chimed in.

“He is, but he is surrounded by a large amount of the glue. It might be some time before you can reach him.”

“How long can he survive in there?” Tony asked.

“I’m not sure, so I’d suggest you figure out a plan soon. Perhaps this might help you.” Within seconds, JARVISV had pulled up a bunch of videos and articles regarding a mine collapse in Chile that had occurred about 6 years ago.

“Yo, Ken! Come with me back to the jet. You need to see this,” Tony called. Kennedy, who had apparently been on the phone with someone (probably Coulson) shouted something and jogged toward the jet.

* * *

 “Ever hear about this?” Tony asked as he handed Kennedy a Starkpad. Kennedy scanned the article and nodded yes.

“Bits and pieces of it,” Kennedy responded, handing the pad back to Tony. “Why do you ask?”

“I think we can do what they did to rescue Steve.”

Kennedy looked  at Tony, confused. The only thing he knew about this incident as that the miners were trapped down there for a long time and that all 33 of them were rescued.

“OK, let me explain since you don’t understand. What we need to do is drill a tunnel through the debris that will give us a direct route to Steve. That’s what happened in Chile. They drilled holes into the mine to provide aide to the miners until they could be rescued.”

“And how are we planning to get Steve out?” Kennedy asked.

“We’re going to need a solvent, and lots of it, to break up the glue. Didn’t you tell JARVIS that you had something on Alderaan?”

“I would have to travel there to get it. That’s who I was on the phone with before you called me in here,” Kennedy answered.

“Perfect. So we’ll travel back to the states where you can board a ship back to Alderaan to retrieve the solvent, and I’ll try to find a drill large enough to penetrate the debris.”

“Wait, we’re just gonna leave Steve here?” Kennedy asked, shocked.  He was clearly not fond of leaving the site. What if Steve died before they could save him?

“We have no choice. Besides, he can’t move anyway; he’s trapped in glue.”

“I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we contact SHIELD first and get a med team out here to assess Steve and stabilize him. Once that’s done, then we can focus on getting him out.”

“And do you have any idea how long that’s going to take?” Tony asked.

“It will take longer if we have to leave and then come back,” Kennedy responded, tapping on the screen. His finger ready to call Coulson.

“Alright, let’s do it. Besides, I’m getting sick of being here, and I really want to get this gauntlet off of me.”

“We can worry about that later. Let’s focus on Steve first,” Kennedy said.

* * *

 “How is that possible?” Coulson asked. “I thought I sent you guys to recover vibranium”

“There was no vibranium. It was this super glue called Adhesive X,” Tony responded.

“Is he alive?”

“According to JARVIS, yes, but we need a med team out here to stabilize him and keep him that way.  I also need a very large drill.”

“A med team’s on it’s way,” Coulson answered. “I’ll get drilling equipment out there stat.” .

The second Coulson ended the conversation, he heard Natasha nearly break down his office door. Clint and Anna were close behind. He didn’t even want to know how she found out about what was going on.

“Where’s Steve?” She asked.

“He’s buried in super glue,” Coulson answered.

“He’s what?” Natasha demanded.

Very slowly, Coulson tried to explain what was going on, but Natasha couldn’t focus.

Suddenly, things began to blur.  Coulson’s voice was sounded distant, until suddenly it was echoing in both her ears.

“Natasha, are you OK?” Coulson asked, looking at her worriedly. Her face was whiter than he’d ever seen it, and before he could reach out to try and steady her, she began to waver.

Then she fell to the ground.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my dear readers, here is another chapter to satisfy you. Unfortunately, I don't know when I can write more. Read [here](http://adorationamy.tumblr.com/post/153864458921/thank-you) for the reason why.

“Nat, can you hear me?”

Natasha felt a hand stroking her forehead. She slowly cracked open an eye to see someone sitting with her.

“Shall I get Dr. Anderson?” a voice asked.

“No, she’ll be okay,”

She tried her best to stare at the man, but her vision was still blurry.

“Clint?” she whispered.

“Oh, thank God,” Clint sighed softly.

“What happened?” Natasha asked, blinking to regain her focus.

“You fainted.”

In all her years, both as an assassin for the Red Room and as an agent of SHIELD, she had only fainted maybe two or three times. The most recent was in Bahrain during a training exercise.

As her focus came back to normal, she realized where she was. She was laying on the floor of Coulson’s office with her head in his lap. To her right, Clint and Anna were kneeling next to her. She watched as Anna handed Clint a bottle of water. She felt a hand lifting her head so she could get to it. When she was done, she slowly began to push herself up into a sitting position. Coulson gently laid his hands on her back to support her.

“Have we heard from Steve yet?” she asked, rubbing the back her head. Clint looked to Coulson, who nodded “yes” that they had and that it wasn’t good.

And Natasha felt herself drifting again.

“Easy, Natasha,” Coulson soothed, gripping her shoulders.

“How bad is it?” she asked.

“He’s alive, but he’s buried pretty deep in the debris,” Coulson answered.

Natasha slowly breathed in and out through her nose as Coulson continued. “I’m sending out a med and drilling team to extract him. The quicker that gets done the better the chances-“

“I’m going with them,” Natasha declared, standing up.

“Nat, it’s gonna be awhile before they get to him,” Clint said.

“I don’t care. I need to be there with him,” she stated. Coulson, Anna, and Clint all stared as Natasha left the room towards the terminal.

“You better go with her, Clint,” Anna said. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

“You read my mind,” Clint answered, getting to his feet.

Before long, the quinjet was in the air and headed for Africa.

* * *

Seventeen hours felt like seventeen days.

At least that’s what Natasha thought.

All throughout the flight she went from staring out the window to staring at the large drills that were going to be used to break through the debris.

When she wasn’t staring, she was either praying or listening to Clint explain to her what was going to happen. She wasn’t paying attention, though. All she could think about was Steve. If he didn’t make it out of this, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. Plus, she wanted one more chance to tell him she loved him.

“Steve, please don’t die. I need you. I love you!” she cried.

When the jet finally touched down, she stood up and impatiently waited for the ramp to open so she could go out and get to her husband.

“Nat,” Clint said, gently taking her arm. She turned around to look at him. “It could be awhile before they get to him. You might want to wait in the quinjet to stay cool.”

Despite Clint being right, she  was not by any means going to stay while her husband was trapped and possibly dying. She would go out there and wait.

“I’ll be fine, Clint. Just get me a water and a chair. I’ll wait all night if I have to,” she answered. Clint sighed and let her go out. Meanwhile, he lingered behind to grab a few bottles of water for the both of them as well as a couple of chairs.

* * *

 “Out of the way!” Tony shouted as the drilling team came through. The South African police were doing their best to keep the crowds of civilians back and under control. Apparently there were a lot of people interested in a pile of debris and super glue, especially with a person trapped inside. “JARVIS, any weak spots?”

“There are some places that you should avoid altogether, while others I’m afraid that if you start to cut through, you’ll run into complications which could compromise the structural integrity of the debris.”

“Find me a couple good, solid spots, J. We’ve got to get medical personnel in there too,” Tony ordered.

“Yes, Sir. May I remind you my navigational systems are still malfunctioning from General Kennedy’s-“

“Just keep at it. I’ll reboot you and destroy Kennedy later.”

On the side, Clint had set up the two chairs for him and Natasha to sit and wait.

“Oh, God!” she gasped, taking in the sight of what she was seeing.

It was worse than what she imagined.

The debris was piled up at least ten feet. A few clouds of smoke were lingering from the top of it. Fortunately, Clint and Natasha were back a good five feet so that she wouldn’t have to inhale it.  

“JARVIS, is Steve alive?” she asked through her comm. Clint suggested both of them have theirs in for two reasons: to communicate with JARVIS and Tony, and to communicate with Steve, whenever that became possible.

“He is, Miss Romanoff, but he is not responding at this time. He could be unconscious.”

“No,” she whispered to herself as the drilling team began to work. “Please, God, let him be alive! Don’t take him from me! Please!” Clint reached over and squeezed her hand.

* * *

 JARVIS was right.

There were various places on the sides where once the drilling team started to cut, they would have to abort before disrupting the structural integrity. The last thing they needed was for more debris to fall on Steve and kill him. Up on top, they needed the smoke to clear in order for it to be safe.

“Don’t give up guys. We’ll get to him!” one of the team members shouted.

On the side, Natasha was on the edge of her seat and tightly gripping Clint’s hand. Clint, himself, was starting to get worried about her. Her lungs were not as strong due to multiple chemicals injected into her in Bahrain. As a result, she had a mild touch of asthma.

That was beside the point.

Steve could be dying.

He needed to focus on that.

But with Natasha struggling to breathe, he couldn’t.

 “Nat, maybe we should wait in the jet for awhile,” he said.

“No, I’m alright,” she answered, taking a sip of water.

“We found a spot!” one of the workers shouted. Clint and Natasha immediately turned their heads back to the action.

“Go slow, just in case!”

“What’s the status on Rogers?”

“Indeterminate.”

Hearing that made Natasha want to stand up and run.

JARVIS said he was alive.

Why was the team saying “indeterminate”?

However she knew she had to stay back. Besides, even if this spot was successful, they still had to get Steve safely out.

With Clint and her both standing, they watched as the drilling team began.

* * *

One excruciating hour later, two tunnels were cut through the debris. Natasha breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw the team emerge.

Now they just had to get Steve.

“JARVIS, give me a visual on Rogers,” Tony said. Instantly, an image of Steve’s body appeared on the screen of his Iron Man helmet.

“Miss Romanoff is also seeing this as well,” JARVIS responded, bringing up the image. It wasn’t very clear.

Natasha felt like she wanted to faint again. At least based on what she could see. Just the though of Steve being in this mess was enough to make her queasy.

“It’s worse than we thought, Ken!” she heard Tony say. She didn’t know what they had seen earlier, but based on what she was seeing now, it was terrifying,

Both of Steve’s hands and feet were glued down to the ground. Large chunks of rock were still on top of him. It was still unclear as to how much of the Adhesive X was surrounding his limp body and how much rock and debris were on top of him.

“We’re entering the tunnel now,” one of the medics declared.

With a few taps on her StarkPad, Natasha and Clint were able to see a live feed of what was going on inside the tunnel.

“Guys, we have a problem!” The medic shouted.

“What’s wrong?”

“We can’t get to him!”

And with that, Natasha took off running.

“Nat, get back here!” Clint shouted.

But she didn’t stop.

As fast as she could, she made her way through the crowds toward the pile.

“Miss, you can’t go in there. It’s too dangerous,” one of the drilling team members said, trying to stop her.

“I don’t care! That’s my husband trapped inside!” she argued.

“Please, leave this to the professionals. We will get him out as soon as we can find a new drilling site,” the guy said.

“Nat, come on. Let them work,” Clint said, coming up beside her and taking her arm.

“I can’t leave him in there!” she cried.

“They’ll get him out.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Barton,” Tony answered.

“How bad is it? Can you see physically see him?” Clint asked desperately.

Just then, a loud rumbling could be heard.

“Clear out! Clear out!”

Clint moved Natasha back as medics rushed out of the tunnel. As they did, pieces of rock began to fall, blocking the entrance to the tunnel they had worked so hard to dig.

When the rocks finally stopped falling, the drilling  team immediately set to work on moving them.

“No! We’ll have to use the other tunnel we dug!” one shouted.

“That one caved in too!” another answered.

“JARVIS, find me a new spot,” Tony declared.

“I’m afraid those were the only two solid spots you could dig through,” JARVIS answered.

“What about up top? Is it safe?”

JARVIS instantly showed Tony a thermal diagram of the top of the debris. “The ground is still hot and visibility is not quite perfect, but yes, you could attempt. Again, you will have to go slow.”

“Alright guys, start drilling up top. We need to get him out!” Tony ordered. “JARVIS can you detect a pulse?”

“Unfortunately with these two cave-ins, I can no longer even see him. There is too much debris.”

Tears stung Natasha’s eyes at what she had just heard, and she couldn’t stop them.  If JARVIS couldn’t find a pulse, then that meant one horrible thing.

Steve was dead.

 


End file.
